Trust, Love, Hope

God I trust You. 

I love You.  

My hope is in You. 

Over the past four months this has been my mantra.  My prayer.  My song.  

On a Saturday night in May, my husband and I started taking an online birthing class.  I had started my third trimester earlier that week and was feeling the need to prepare for labor and delivery.  We watched an intro video, got bored, and decided we had plenty of time to go through the course later. 

Sunday morning I woke up in preterm labor.  It was the scariest day of my life. 

I was pretty clueless.  I had read several pregnancy books but skipped over the sections about preterm labor and premature babies because that wouldn't happen to me.  I didn't know a thing about pain management during labor and delivery.  (I had plenty of time to learn, remember?)  

When many women experience a contraction there's at least some good behind it. Contractions mean that a precious baby is on the way, so contractions (at least somewhat) are usually a good thing.  My contractions weren't good.  They weren't supposed to be happening and my doctors were trying to stop them.  I was supposed to try to stay pregnant until I reached 34 weeks gestation - a little over 5 weeks away.  But the contractions kept coming.  And they hurt - physically, psychologically, emotionally. 

I was in a room full of doctors and nurses who were checking on me and my baby, giving me shots, hooking me up to monitors and medicine bags.  My husband wasn't with me yet (he wasn't allowed in the ambulance that rushed me to the larger hospital I was transferred to).  I felt alone in a room full of strange people. I was overwhelmed and full of fear and worry.  And then came another contraction. 

And during this one I felt a rush of peace.  I began to pray.  "God I trust You. I love You. My hope is in You."  

Over the next three days I said this prayer during every contraction.  This prayer became my pain management.  My doctors and nurses kept telling me I must have a high tolerance for pain.  I definitely don't.  During my labor I leaned on the peace that came from trusting, loving, and hoping in God. 

I've said that prayer every day since.  God taught me so much about trust, love, and hope through my labor experience and being a mommy to a baby in the NICU.  Now that we're all home and I'm journeying through motherhood, I still feel myself learning and growing everyday.  I never want to forget these lessons.

This blog's main purpose is to help me to process what I'm learning and to help me remember when I forget.  If you've stumbled across my blog - welcome!!  I hope you're encouraged, challenged, or even just entertained by my stories.  Feel free to leave a comment and say hello!